Killing Them Softly: How To Preserve A Husband


EDITOR’S NOTE: My recent discovery of our families’ collection of 1970s era church cookbooks has been nothing short of a conversation piece around Al Dente HQ. The kind-hearted and well-intentioned women behind these recipes set cooking back years, all the while trying to kill their families with butter, shortening and lard. Not wanting to hog the glory and splendor for myself, it is my pleasure to share these classic culinary gems with you. These are the original recipes with very little editing. If you have one of these around your house or find one at your parent’s home, please contact me. I would love to get my hands on it.

RECIPE: How To Preserve A Husband
AUTHOR: No Author
COOKBOOK: Cecilian Style, St. Cecelia’s Roman Catholic Church

WHY DID I CHOOSE THIS? Because it was 1975 and though they had the right to vote for 55 years now, the women of St. Cecilia’s Roman Catholic Church were content to go back to a day when they were seen and not heard.

Seriously though, the crowdsourced cookbooks of the time had conversion charts, helpful hints and all sorts of junk. The church books that I’ve been going through have prayers sprinkled throughout. This passage appears at the beginning of the Sportsman’s Den chapter, which features game recipes. It’s special.

I hope The Wife takes note.

How To Preserve A Husband

Be careful in your selection. Don not choose too young. When selected, give your entire thoughts to preparation for domestic use. Some wives insist upon keeping them in a pickle, others are constantly getting them into hot water. This make make them sour, hard and sometimes bitter; even poor varieties may be made sweet, tender and good, by garnishing with patience, well sweetened with love and seasoned with kisses.

Wrap them in a mantle of charity. Keep warm with a steady fire of domestic devotion and serve with peaches and cream. Thus prepared, they will keep for years.

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