Grocery List: January 6, 2013 (The “How about I shove that cell phone up your ass?” edition)

IMG_2266I’m not a patient person. This is no secret. I like to think that I’ve gotten better. The Wife and my friend/co-worker/lunch companion Toni believes that The Kid has brought on this new sense of pause between incident and semi-nuclear explosion. I tend to agree. Having a toddler brings presents a learning curve, particularly the fact that challenges which come with The Kid cannot be solved with yelling or a stream of obscenities. And, let’s face it, I used my one explosive incident with The Kid a long time ago. If it happens again, there’s a pretty good chance that I’m sleeping on Toni’s couch for a while.

But, I digress. I’m still an — compared to The Wife, my CEO, my mother-in-law and even The Kid — impatient person. This often manifests itself while grocery shopping. I’ve been known to “accidentally” run into children with shopping carts. (STORY: About five years ago, I made the mistake of going to Wegmans Fairmount after work. Stressful enough, this visit was amplified by the fact that it was the night of the store Halloween party. The place was dirty with kids and inattentive parents. I needed fresh pasta and a loaf of Italian bread. By the time I left, I had whacked someone’s child with the bread, picked up a six-pack of beer and had cracked one of them open.)

Today was as big of a test as I have had in a while. I left The Kid at home (NOTE: Potty training is going well, but The Kid has taken a break from telling us when she has to go.) and did a quick trip to Target before Wegmans. As I was walking out of Target, bags in hand, I saw a woman on her cell phone. Not unheard of, sadly, but she had a 3-year-old in tow that she was ignoring. The child listed to the left and was nearly struck by a car. The mother, without pulling the phone away from her head, started yelling at her kid. As I walked by, my patience evaporated.

“How about I shove that cell phone up your ass?”

I didn’t actually know the words were coming out of my mouth until after I heard them. Stunned, mom ended the call, stopped yelling at her kid, took him by the hand and walked into the store.

I went to Wegmans, where I proceeded to ram a twentysomething mother who was letting her kid empty the Frito’s bags from the shelf as I was trying to pass. I almost slammed my cart into another woman-on-her-cell-phone’s cart, until I realized that it was our pediatrician (whom I like a great deal).

It was like visiting with an old friend that The Wife doesn’t want me hanging out with.

This week’s list brings along two new chicken dinners, a recap of Saturday night’s short ribs and a visit from my newest kitchen appliance — the ice cream maker.

» Meatless Monday: Spinach, tomato and orzo soup
» Tuesday: Dukkah chicken and pita
» Wednesday: Something from the freezer
» Thursday: Mustardy chicken thighs

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